5 Things to Agree Upon Before Marriage

Marriage is one of life’s most exciting and profound commitments, yet it can also bring unexpected challenges. The good news? A little preparation can go a long way in setting your marriage up for success. Having meaningful conversations with your partner before tying the knot helps lay a solid foundation for your future together.

Let’s explore the five key areas every couple should discuss before marriage and why they matter so much. Plus, we’ll share how you can use our free downloadable guide to make these conversations impactful and transformative.

Why Conversations Before Marriage Are Essential

Marriage is more than just a wedding day; it’s a lifelong partnership. Couples who discuss key topics ahead of time often report greater trust, alignment, and satisfaction in their marriages. On the other hand, skipping these talks can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts later.

Strengthening Your Relationship Through Communication

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a strong relationship. Discussing big-picture topics—like your values, future goals, and expectations—builds trust and ensures you’re both on the same page.

Studies show that couples who engage in meaningful pre-marital discussions are 80% less likely to face major conflicts in the first five years of marriage. These conversations allow you to explore your partner’s perspectives and align your visions for the future.

Common Challenges When These Conversations Are Overlooked

When key topics aren’t addressed before marriage, couples might face:

Financial disagreements can arise when one partner is a spender, and the other is a saver, leading to tension in budgeting. Misaligned expectations about family involvement—like how much time to spend with in-laws during holidays—can cause stress. Miscommunication about intimacy, parenting styles, or career goals often leaves couples feeling disconnected.

By talking through these potential pitfalls now, you’ll avoid surprises later and create a partnership rooted in understanding.

The Five Key Areas to Agree Upon Before Marriage

These five areas are where many couples experience conflict, but they’re also where deep understanding can make all the difference.

1. Faith: Shared Values and Spiritual Connection

Discuss how faith or spirituality will play a role in your marriage. Explore how you’ll navigate different beliefs, attend places of worship, or raise children with shared values. For example, some couples might decide to alternate attending each other’s religious services to show mutual respect.

Understanding each other’s spiritual practices creates a sense of unity and reduces future conflicts about beliefs or traditions.

2. Money: Financial Goals and Management

Talk about your financial philosophies, such as whether you want to combine finances, keep some separate, or find a middle ground. Share your approaches to saving, spending, and handling debt. Additionally, discuss big financial goals like buying a home or planning for retirement.

Research highlights that 35% of divorces cite financial conflict as a primary cause. Transparency and shared financial planning can prevent misunderstandings and foster teamwork.

3. Children: Parenting Goals and Plans

Do you want kids? If so, how many and when? Discuss parenting styles, the values you’d like to instill, and how you’ll handle challenges like infertility or adoption. By addressing these questions, you’ll gain clarity on one of life’s most important decisions.

Consider hypothetical scenarios to test alignment, such as how you’d respond to a child struggling in school or needing special care.

4. In-Laws and Family: Boundaries and Traditions

Define the role you want your families to play in your lives after marriage. Set boundaries around holidays, family traditions, and financial or emotional support. Understanding each other’s expectations helps protect your relationship while maintaining healthy family ties.

For example, agreeing on how often to visit extended family or what financial assistance might look like can prevent future stress.

5. Intimacy: Building Connection and Trust

Talk about physical and emotional intimacy, your comfort levels, and how you’ll handle changes over time. Discuss ways to maintain a strong connection during stressful or challenging seasons. These conversations ensure both partners feel valued and supported.

Remember, intimacy is more than physical; it includes emotional closeness, shared hobbies, and meaningful time together.

How to Approach These Conversations as a Couple

Talking about serious topics can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some tips to make these discussions productive and even enjoyable.

Create a Safe and Judgment-Free Space

Make sure both partners feel comfortable sharing openly. Eliminate distractions, listen with curiosity, and approach each conversation with compassion rather than judgment.

Schedule Intentional Time for Conversations

Set aside dedicated time for these discussions. You might plan five date nights, each focused on one of the key areas. Use our free guide as a roadmap to guide your talks. One idea is to pair each conversation with a fun activity to create positive associations.

What to Do When You Disagree

It’s normal to have differences of opinion. The goal isn’t to agree on everything but to understand each other better. Disagreements are an opportunity for growth when handled constructively. Here are some actionable practices based on research and common conflict resolution techniques:

Practice Active Listening: Focus on truly hearing your partner’s perspective without interrupting. Reflect back what you’ve heard to ensure understanding, saying things like, “What I’m hearing is…”

Avoid Blame: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without assigning fault. For example, say, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”

Take a Break if Needed: If emotions run high, agree to take a short break to cool down and revisit the discussion later with a calmer mindset.

Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling on the problem, brainstorm solutions together. Ask each other, “What can we do to resolve this?”

Seek Understanding, Not Winning: Shift the mindset from “winning” an argument to finding common ground. Remember, you’re on the same team.

Research from The Gottman Institute highlights that successful couples maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions during conflict. This means for every negative interaction, aim for at least five positive ones—like offering reassurance, showing empathy, or sharing a kind gesture.

Why Using a Guide Can Transform Your Conversations

Our free downloadable guide is designed to help you and your partner dive deep into these essential topics without feeling lost or overwhelmed.

Structured Questions for Better Insights

The guide includes carefully crafted questions for each key area, so you don’t have to figure out where to start. These prompts encourage meaningful dialogue and uncover insights about your partner.

Deepening Your Connection with Curiosity

By working through the guide together, you’ll not only learn more about each other but also build greater empathy and a stronger bond.

Preparing for Life Together

These conversations don’t just help you prepare for marriage—they set the tone for a lifetime of teamwork, trust, and mutual respect.

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What to Talk About Before Marriage: FAQs

What are some deep questions to ask your partner?

Here are a few examples from our guide:

• What are your biggest fears about our future together?
• How do you define love and commitment?
• What does a successful marriage look like to you?

What is an important topic to discuss before marriage?

Faith, finances, and parenting are often the most crucial areas to align on. These topics frequently impact long-term compatibility and shared decision-making.

What should you know about your partner before marriage?

You should understand your partner’s values, communication style, financial habits, and long-term goals. These insights will help you navigate married life more smoothly.

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Start Your Journey Today with the Wedding Wellness Guide

Building a strong foundation for your marriage starts now.

Our free guide, 25 Questions Every Couple Should Answer Before Marriage, provides everything you need to navigate these vital conversations. [Insert download link here.]

Build a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage

Don’t wait until after the wedding to have these talks. Start today, and create a relationship built on trust, communication, and shared vision.

Marriage is an adventure, and every great adventure begins with preparation. By having these conversations now, you’re giving yourselves the tools to handle whatever comes your way—together..

With Love,

Hannah Rose